Kevin Hogan – Body Language
Salepage : Kevin Hogan – Body Language
Messages That You Didn’t Mean to Send
Over dinner, you’re having what you think to be an important talk.
What about the atmosphere?
Excellent. In reality, it is flawless. Candles in white… White wine, a few lillies, newly lighted. You look great.
This evening, everything is going swimmingly. You couldn’t have asked for anything better. The new suit fits perfectly, and the color, much to your surprise, looks great.
You’ve been chatting for what feels like an eternity. You got on a roll and kept it going. You’ve drawn a clear image, and you can see her.
She’s seated right next to you and leans in to kiss you. Excellent. She grins and returns to her wine, utterly oblivious to the fact that she is arranging her hair.
You automatically mimic her actions.
You don’t even consider it because everything is going so well tonight! You straighten your hair.
She consciously recognizes the primping and, for inexplicable reasons, feels immediately uneasy and apprehensive.
You’re experimenting with how to frame the BIG QUESTION in your head. Then you simply say it. What could possibly go wrong?!?!
“I believe we should pursue it.”
You provide a genuine, heartfelt grin.
She immediately thinks, NO WAY!
It’s completely unexpected, and she has no understanding why she feels this way. She’s astonished, but she’s learned to trust her instincts in all situations.
She expresses the reaction we all have when we are afraid yet know we shouldn’t be.
“I’ll think about it.”
90 mph… to a complete stop
Everything was going swimmingly until this particular second.
“I told you I’d think about it.”
You heard correctly. She’ll think about what she said ten minutes earlier, “I absolutely want to do it!”
What in the world happened?
Your look is puzzled and possibly a little surprised.
She notices your furrowed brow, slightly open lips, and eye lids coming closer together as your chin pushes slightly to the right and your head tilts gently back and to the left.
She is now experiencing a flood of unpleasant ideas.
He thinks I’m a moron? Why are you staring at me? What a scumbag.
“What’s the matter?”
The tone isn’t particularly suspicious or aggressive, but you’ve just experienced an arctic temperature shift. You come to your senses.
“There is nothing.”
However, it is too late.
She was determined to do it ten minutes ago.
Everything has changed now.
“Can you tell me when you want me to call you about it?”
You make an effort to recuperate. You weren’t expecting her cold answer. Now you have to try to catch that warm air again, but you intuitively and correctly know it won’t happen.
Everything was going swimmingly. Perfect. Nothing could have gone wrong, yet a sinkhole in Chicago couldn’t have devoured a car quicker than she took the vitality out of your head.
“It makes no difference. “I think maybe next week,” the temperature continues to fall.
He’s putting a lot of pressure on me. It bothers me. I’m not sure I like him at all. I believe I was mistaken about him.
How can everything go so great and then CHANGE INSTANTLY without you ever saying a nasty word…or none at all??!!
The unnoticed body language signal…
Take care: you’ve just sent the FEAR Signal!
What could have possibly gone wrong?
While giving “the final speech,” you fiddled with your hair for 1 second.
She has come into contact with thousands of people during her life. She has no idea that her brain has linked the individuals she’s listening to with the triggers of the one person who lied to her years ago when she brushed her hair. She has no recollection of it. She wouldn’t recall it. It’s been buried for a long time. However, the Anxiety Trigger stays hidden in plain sight and will most likely do so for the rest of her life.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
You straightened your hair while inviting her to go for it, and her brain released a gut-punch of adrenaline and cortisol, changing her nonconscious like to nonconscious terror, conscious fear, politely backing off, and plain disliking you.
You had no way of knowing until today.
And now you understand.
Body Language Signs: Communicating with Elegance and Safety
You don’t touch anything when you give a meaningful message. You don’t even look at the wine glass. You don’t put your spectacles on. You do not make any contact with the table. You do not use a fork. You never touch…anything. These are all COMMON FEAR TRIGGERS that individuals in discussion have.
Every day, people waste chances in many facets of their lives by flipping from “yes” to “no” due to internal triggers.
You merely activated her “Fear Switch.”
You wouldn’t have planned on it happening in a million years. Obviously. But her gut drives her brain, and her brain is leading her intellect in this situation, therefore you’re hearing “no.”
She’ll go home or see a buddy and tell them what occurred. She will tell her buddy that you were nasty and difficult to deal with.
When pressed for details, she will be unable to provide even one.
“I’m not sure, I simply had an awful vibe about him. He’s a real jerk.”
“I thought you were going all in with this guy?”
“I did, but he squandered it. “I saw who he truly is.”
In one single second, the girl transformed from experiencing divinity to Dante in the Inferno.
“What are the most essential body language signals?” people frequently ask me.
“It’s the one that causes cortisol to be released in the brain. It’s the one that causes worry and anxiety that you wouldn’t know about unless you viewed a movie of the person’s life.”
If you’re going to “gesture” while delivering the key idea, it must be deliberate, certain, and well illustrated.
What does this mean?
Fear Triggers in Body Language
The most prevalent fear triggers are ordinary behaviors and gestures. Over the course of a year, if a person hears 100 positive things and 20 negative things where the communicator makes any specific gesture (a touch to the nose, straightening of the hair, touching the lips, wetting the lips, rubbing the eyes, scratching the ear), the 20 negatives will outnumber the 100 positives. 100 happy experiences are equivalent to 100 goldfish in an ocean of 20 bad Great White Shark encounters.
Recognizing their nonverbal clues is important. It can have a significant impact.
However, being conscious of YOUR RESPONSE & BEHAVIORS to their nonverbal clues, which they then notice, is when issues arise. This is the most typical site where “yes” turns into “no.”
What are some frequent body language signs that catch you off guard?
Body Language: How to Understand It
Mirroring their actions can aid in the development of rapport. It has the ability to generate basic bonding. However, it has the potential to backfire. This does not happen because someone notices you mimicking them. That moment may come only once in a lifetime.
The beginning of catastrophe occurs when they have a negative reaction that is provoked by a gesture or cue you put forth, most often unconsciously. You had no idea it had happened. You didn’t consider anything. You were meaningless. You didn’t do anything on purpose. You simply acted normally, and it happened to be one of those things.
It gets even better.
Acute Awareness Body Language Strategy
You must be present and IN the current conscious moment when observing people’s nonverbal communication. They do not. “Are you here?” you may inquire. And, of course, they will come out of their trance and exclaim, “Yes.”
However, they are only now arriving. If you like this person, you’ll automatically yawn when they yawn, thus you must be present and conscious of their habits. That might be fantastic. Most of the time, you could place a wager on it.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking that catching someone else’s yawn IS a like signal. IT IS POSSIBLE. IT COULD BE.
Bodies do not read popular self-help books on body language.
They merely respond to each stimulus in turn. People seldom have a good reaction.
They are capable. It does occur. It’s not that frequent. For every 100 negative “reactions,” there are probably 5 favorable ones.
How can you possibly know all of the body language indicators individuals used when interacting negatively with the person you’re speaking with right now?
You obviously can’t, but you and I can make some broad assumptions.
Body Language Decoding: Avoiding Negative Gestures
You may assume that the majority of the time someone was pointed at in their life, the sentiments displayed in the most severely unpleasant times were truly negative.
You can bet that most of the time someone saw someone with an angry expression on their face, they were not having a good time.
(This is a personal challenge. When I’m highly concentrating, I tend to scowl. My determined expression is similar to many people’s “I want to murder you right now” expression.)
Most people are likely to have a negative reaction to an increase in voice volume. What you are confident is passionate is perceived as antagonizing by the majority of others. This is true regardless of the subject matter.
Brains are Trigger Dependent When It Comes to Reading Body Language
They are not thinking. They are not thinking at the moment. Not yet, at any rate.
They simply experience triggers. They certainly do absorb information, but the body’s job is to keep you away from fear. That is the primary objective.
Once your mortality is confirmed, the body will then generally seek out comfort, food, or sex.
The key point here is to recognize that you can be emotionally intelligent enough to interpret their reactions to you…
and they almost certainly won’t be.
In no way does this mean you are in “complete control.” On the contrary, you haven’t seen a complete video of every moment of that person’s life. You have no idea which 100 gestures and cues are the biggest negative triggers for them.
You also have no assurance on which few gestures or cues might actually be a positive trigger.
And knowing a few positive feeling triggers can be a very good thing, indeed.
Let me give you a couple of those positive triggers right now.
Body Language: Triggering positive feelings …
Body Language Strategy: Turn TheirFear into Excitement!
When you and I hang out with someone “new”, our conscious mind is far more alert than it typically would be. If someone is conscious 10% of the time, their conversation with you will probably show them to be in consciousness as much as 30% of the minutes you are with them. That heightened sense of awareness is critical.
The heart beats faster when “new people” are around.
“Excitement” is often felt as “fear” and “fear” is every now and then felt as “excitement” because they are essentially the same thing.
The difference is the interpretation of the conscious mind briefly checking on the nonconscious body experience.
How do you cause people to consciously experience their “fear” as “excitement?”
You have to catch it early. You have approximately one second.
Pick a word from an ordinary deck of words. It needs to be articulated quickly and the accent on that last sound or letter must be experienced with a rising pitch in your voice.
When with “new people,” we are much more present than we are with old people where we tend to be comfortable and run old patterns (good or bad) of behavior, instantly falling back to nonconsciousness.
Returning to nonconsciousness in this context simply means returning to whatever has occurred in the environment that is comfortable and/or familiar. Point? There is no imminent threat present. The brain turns on as the mind rests or is distracted by something else.
Bodies don’t like to be in consciousness because being conscious requires the experience of STRESS.
Body Language Signals: Predictably Positive
OK, another positive body language trigger?
Remembering that every single person is different, there are some other cues that are predictably positive.
THINK about this in every conversation you have:
When your face, your eye level is closer to the ground than that of the other person, they are more likely to experience control, comfort and possibly even feelings of love and connection.
When you were really little, your Mom or Dad probably got down low to look at you when they spoke to you. If you had a crummy Mom or Dad, this probably didn’t happen, but most people have generally positive experiences with adults when their face is at their level or lower.
I don’t need to hang out with enough 5-year olds but they tend to like me. I can’t shake them.
Why? Because I immediately get down to “their level” and live in their world. Adults don’t do this, which is why kids talk to a lot of thighs when they are little. Beyond the big stomach, they can only see a chin, a nose and some hair if they are close enough to an adult. Thighs have their upside but not for kids. Thighs offer little expression as far as love, connection, empathy.
Meanwhile, the few people who actually get down to the level of the child? They tend to be liked.
The same is true of adults.
If you can bring your eyes to a plane that is closer to the ground than theirs, you’ll PROBABLY trigger positive feelings.
Read this carefully:
Very little good happens when one person towers over another person. Most negative triggers include that factor. Most non-negative triggers include someone being below their current eye level.
If you’re 6’ 5” and she is 5’ 6” you have your work cut out for you.
In cases like this, physical distance from the other person can be slightly increased so that you don’t appear to be an adult to their child, even if they are 40.
Next week, we’ll talk about more cues and clues to nonverbal experience both from your point of view and theirs so you can optimize each interaction and cause as many positive feelings as possible while bringing out fewer negative reactions.
Are You Making These Body Language Mistakes?
Studies indicate you have realistically closer to 4 seconds to make a good first impression on those you come in contact with. And this is used as a yardstick for all future communication by those whom you meet.
In the first four seconds, people will make judgments about you and tell themselves:
I will (or will not) buy from this person.
I will (or will not) like this person.
I find this person kind (or not) (or not).
I find this person intelligent (or not) (or not).
You can’t make a good first impression through your words alone. In fact, nonverbal communication is between 60 to 75% of the impact of a communication. But despite being the most important aspect, nonverbal communication is also the most misunderstood and misinterpreted.
Every action – or even the smallest micro-action – communicates subconsciously to others, so people could like (or not like) you through your gestures… without even knowing exactly why.
You could be making the most wonderful compliments or praise to people, but it’s difficult to gain their trust or approval if your words contradict your nonverbals.
These body language images demonstrate some of the fundamental and sophisticated strategies used to analyze nonverbal communication. This young lady is flirting with you. “But her arms are crossed, which is protective,” some may argue. They are incorrect. She tilts her head to the left, trying not to smile too much while staring directly at you. She is taken with you.
Flirting and sexual body language are easily detectable in a woman’s nonverbal communication in both work and personal settings.
When you know how to properly evaluate the indications, you can quickly identify the liar in both corporate and personal contexts. This will be shown to you later.
Welcome, whether you want to understand the true nonverbal secrets of love, dating, or closing the sale! As part of this preview, I’ll provide you an analysis that incorporates both “liking” and deception judgements. Analyzing human behavior in time snapshots is a difficult task.
Look at this man. Looking at him, the smirk should indicate that he is being misunderstood and is battling for his life. But look at the first girl’s over-the-shoulder expression. Women look over their shoulders with interest…until that tiny second when like or disliking occurs. These two will meet…
My objective for you in this preview is to become aware of a few minor indicators that you will starting picking up on from now on.
Today, if you look attentively, you will learn a lot about the complexities of nonverbal communication.
What If You Could Become a Master?
You will have an overwhelming advantage in life once you are “equipped” with the insights you will soon gain. In reality, I would not have achieved what I have if I had not studied nonverbal communication extensively. It’s undoubtedly an important factor in my success.
People comment on my ability to detect reluctance, liking, dishonesty, and honesty in an instant, and it has become something I believe vital to teach others. If you show me a video of someone now and a video of that same person prior to some horrific incident (say, a crime), I can usually predict whether that person is innocent or guilty with a high degree of accuracy. I’ll demonstrate how.
I can also communicate covert signals (through motions and gestures) that elicit like from others, something nearly no one understands how to accomplish. I’ll also teach you how to achieve this.
And now you have the chance to learn my darkest secrets in order to be immensely successful in life.
I tell you all of this to inform you that I’ve taught hundreds of others and will show you how to use this skill set to achieve amazing success in life.
I consider myself lucky to have earned the confidence and respect of the world’s most renowned personalities and media outlets.
And now, you can use that knowledge and years of experience to become a nonverbal communication professional… in nearly no time!
I’ve been trained to know what works. I’ve put in 20 years of diligent scientific study, studies, and practice.
So, if you want to shave years off your learning curve, get on the right road, and be able to decipher hidden signals like a genuine expert, you can rely on me to provide you with the greatest step-by-step instruction towards nonverbal mastery.
The Complete Body Language Home Study Course Is Now Available
If you want to acquire the same training as my seminar attendees in the comfort and privacy of your own home – at a fraction of the cost – then the Complete Body Language Home Study course on CD/DVD and online is for you.
This training is intended to teach you how to rapidly and effectively grasp and use nonverbal communication. In most circumstances, you can accurately discern the REAL signals of like, disliking, honesty, or lying… in less than 10 seconds.
It is intended to help both commercial and personal relationships. Why? Because the nonconscious mind, which controls nearly all nonverbal communication, has no idea whether you’re at work or in the kitchen. It only reacts.
I simplified the scientific principles of nonverbal communication into a method that even a 12-year-old can grasp. In this program, I’ll lead you through the entire procedure step by step. I’ll show you how to use nonverbal communication to increase your sales, obtain your dream date, have meaningful relationships, and be effective in your daily interactions with others.
I’ll show you how to tell if someone likes you or not. I’ll show you how to discern if they’re leaning towards a “yes” or a “no” with accuracy. It just takes some time to learn, like with any ability.
What is the payoff? Enormous. Being able to exert control over any circumstance.
Over 100 candid images of celebrity couples in various circumstances will be examined in this session. You can tell what they’re thinking or feeling by the way their head tilts and where their feet point.
Because these individuals are tough to read (they play roles that appeal to the public and are always “on”), analyzing celebrity images is the greatest approach to learn. But, as you have previously discovered, the little clues tell a tale – a story that the nonconscious mind is telling but the conscious mind is not.
It was recently stated that I was 46 out of 48 times right in understanding the nonverbal communication of Hollywood couples in predicting whether or not they will break up within the next two years. That achievement has never been accomplished. Remember that these people are tough to deal with because they “act out” in order to get public favor.