Loveteacher – Secrets of the Sexual Surrogate
Salepage : Loveteacher – Secrets of the Sexual Surrogate
The 40-something professional, crippled by shyness, can barely look Fern Arden in the eyes as he talks about still being a virgin at such an advanced age.
“Don’t worry,” says the Manhattan sex therapist. “This is something we can work on.”
The doctor’s voice is confident, and with good cause. Arden is the creator of an elite private clinic in Central Park West that offers highly specialized therapy for psychosexual issues such as this one.
She has an all-female staff of sex surrogates, officially known as “surrogate partners,” who coach clients one-on-one in caressing techniques, kissing, feeling relaxed with another person in the nude, and, of course, the sex act itself.
“The emphasis is not on sex, but on familiarity and intimacy,” Arden, who founded the Abel 2 Counseling Center 22 years ago, insists. “We give an environment for sexual learning, not sexual pleasure.”
The licensed sexologist has never previously spoken to the media about her practice, claiming that “I have famous clients.” But she consented to speak with The Post after the premiere of the indie film “The Sessions,” which is already generating Oscar buzz.
It is based on the true story of a sex substitute from California who takes on a profoundly disabled man who needs to have sex before he dies.
“People are often misinformed about what a surrogate partner does,” Arden says, hoping that the award-winning film about late polio patient Mark O’Brien and his surrogate, Cheryl Cohen Greene, will shed some much-needed light on the profession.
“They think of it in a negative light, like a sex worker, but it’s not,” she adds. “There is a tremendous distinction between legitimate massage therapists and individuals who manage massage parlors.”
In fact, a group of sex surrogates based in Los Angeles attempted to accredit their profession in 1973. The International Professional Surrogates Association currently has about 30 surrogates registered in the United States, though Arden’s staff is not a member. Surrogates must have completed a two-week training program with the society and work under the supervision (but not observation) of a licensed sex therapist, according to the organization’s code of ethics.
However, according to one legal expert, the operation is still illegal.
Derrelle Janey, a defense attorney at the Manhattan law firm Gottleib and Gordon, compares sex surrogacy to prostitution because money is exchanged for sex: “It doesn’t matter if the client is disabled or suffering from some kind of emotional distress — that just adds to the sadness.” They have agreed to pay money for a sexual experience, and everyone is aware of the deal. That, in my opinion, is prostitution.”
Janey speculates on why Arden has been able to run her business for so long without running afoul of the law: “Perhaps this kind of thing has not been a priority of the district attorney.”
Arden, who holds a Ph.D. from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, insists her work is not prostitution, but rather a public service. You could be forgiven for thinking otherwise after browsing her website. On one page, a number of women are listed by age, height, and weight, with the majority of them looking enticingly young and svelte, such as “Debbie: 29 years old; 5-foot-2; 100 lbs.” Arden, on the other hand, mentions their personalities and intelligence: “They are sincere, patient, and caring,” Arden writes on the site, adding that her surrogates “will have college degrees.”
The three surrogate partners currently on Arden’s staff, like the character played by Helen Hunt in “The Sessions,” are “professionally trained clinicians” who report to her after each session.
“Most sexual problems require a partner to be resolved, which is obviously an issue for single men,” says Arden, who charges clients between $3,000 and $5,000 for an average course of 12 to 15 separate sessions with herself and the surrogate.
The sessions take place in her offices, but Arden does not observe the client-surrogate interaction. Instead, she receives a detailed progress report from the surrogate and then follows up with the men.
“Because the majority of the men who come to my center are sexually inexperienced, the surrogate program allows them to move forward with their treatment.”
She claims that not treating them and allowing them to “remain dysfunctional” until they find a willing partner to accompany them to therapy would be “cruel.”
“People have this perception of a sex surrogate as: ‘Oh wow, I’m going to have a sexual teacher and we’re going to have hot sex!’ but it’s not at all,” says Arden, who requires STD testing for her clients and surrogates at least once every two months.
“The surrogate sessions progress gradually. It’s a slow, sensual process to get used to holding hands, caressing, and kissing.
“[The clients] could come in for several visits before taking their clothes off.”
Sarah, one of Arden’s surrogate partners who spoke to The Post on the condition of anonymity and declined to reveal her age, fielded questions about the practical side of her job with care.
“I usually start sessions by working on eye contact and how they hold their bodies,” she says, explaining that she has a background in sexual psychology and social work. “We use massage and touch therapy to help clients learn to be present in the moment, to feel at ease in their bodies, and to become aware of their sensations.”
“We use a mind-body approach to gradually remove anxiety from the equation.”
When asked if she ever has penetrative sex with clients, she remains silent.
Her discretion extends to her personal life as well.
“I don’t feel obligated to tell everyone I meet [that I work as a sexual surrogate].” “There are certain people in my life who understand and support what I do.”
“However, there are people in my life for whom there is no reason for me to go there.”
Greene, on the other hand, is more than willing to reveal herself publicly. Her notes about her work with polio victim O’Brien were used as part of the screenplay for “The Sessions.”
Her memoir, “An Intimate Life: Sex, Love, and My Journey as a Surrogate Partner,” will be released next month, and she strongly supports the film. It takes place when she is 42 years old and O’Brien is a 36-year-old graduate student at Berkeley who hires her to help him lose his virginity. Despite spending the majority of his life in an iron lung, he was able to continue having sex with others until he died at the age of 49.
“I saw it at the Sundance Film Festival in January and, like everyone else, I laughed and cried,” says Greene, who lives in Berkeley, California, and has worked as a “surrogate-partner therapist” for more than 30 years. “It captures the love and trust that is at the heart of sexual surrogacy.”
Greene claims to earn $50,000 per year and has a clientele of men aged 40 and up. One of our customers recently passed away at the age of 92. 10% of her clients are virgins who have become so involved in their studies or careers that they have neglected their love lives. “Oh my God, I don’t want to come across as inexperienced,” Greene says of her patients. “‘Life is too short,’ they finally say. “I need to go into surrogate therapy.”
Greene, who is married to a “wonderful, supportive partner,” charges $300 for a two-hour session and claims that penetrating sex occurs on the sixth visit. She is clearly happy with her job.
“I look at our work this way: going to a prostitute is similar to going to a restaurant. You read the menu, you choose what you want, they prepare it, they hope you enjoy it, and hopefully you will return.
“It’s like going to cooking school with a surrogate,” she continues. “You get the ingredients, you learn to cook a meal together — and then the point is to go out into the world and share that without returning.”
