Style’s Fundamentals of Approaching and Opening
When most men start learning about pickup, the first thing they want to learn is how to open. Those brand new to pickup will ask for pickup lines, while those with a little more experience with the pickup community will ask for “openers,” both with the mentality that if only they had the right opening line, the rest would be easy and women would jump in the sack with them. Piece of cake.
Well, there is good news and bad news on the subject. The good news is that opening isn’t hard. It just requires the right attitude and a few simple guidelines. The bad news is that opening is actually the easiest part of a set. The opener, after all, can be planned out. There is little need to think on your feet.
Furthermore, during the opening, social conditioning is working in your favor. It may be hard to open a stranger – but it’s even harder to be rude to someone who comes up to you in a reasonable, polite way. All the pressure you feel when it comes to opening a new girl lands double on her the moment you open your mouth.
That being said, you can improve your chances of opening successfully by understanding a few principles and by following a few simple rules.
First of all, it’s important to know the purpose of an opener. No, there is no magic opener which will make her panties drop right then and there – so don’t even try. Rather, the purpose of the opener is simple: to distract her conscious mind for a few moments while you show off your personality and display value.
That’s it. If all you’ve done is given yourself an opportunity to show off your personality, and you manage to display some value, congratulations, you’ve opened!
The second most thing to know about opening? It’s not about what you say. Later we’ll discuss the specifics of some openers, and break down how they work, but the simple truth is that once you understand opening, you can open by saying almost anything.
The number one key to opening is simple: project confidence. Almost all of the rules – body language, voice tone, etc – about opening come down to communicating that you are a confident, comfortable person completely unintimidated by the beauty in front of you.
This brings us to the first key rule of opening, the “three second rule.” That is to say, from the moment you first see a woman you would like to open, you should open her within three seconds. Now, this rule is honored as often as not in the breach, but the key point is that you do not want her to sit there, waiting for you to open. If she senses that you want to open before you actually open her, your value will plummet more and more the longer you wait. She should never sense you waiting to open. That projects weakness.
Now, there are plenty of reasons to violate the three second rule. For example, if you’re in the middle of a conversation with your friends, you shouldn’t break it just to go talk to her. But don’t orbit – don’t sit around waiting for an opening to start talking to her. If the moment isn’t right to open her, go do something else and come back and open her later.
The second rule of opening is to open over your shoulder. Obviously, this isn’t always possible, but think about how it feels. If you walk right up to a girl and open her, you are making her important, you are giving her value. “You are worth me walking across the room for.” Already you’ve put yourself at a disadvantage. Instead, if you open her casually, over your shoulder, like you just noticed her, your body language says, “I suppose you might be worth talking to for a moment” – you haven’t given her a pedestal to stand on, and that’s half the battle.
Obviously, this rule shouldn’t be followed off a cliff. If a girl is right in front of you, just start talking to her. If a girl gives you a strong approach invitation (say, holding your gaze across a crowded room) then it’s pointless to choreograph a situation where you’re opening her over your shoulder. Just finish what you’re doing, walk over, and say hi.
And this brings us to the most important opening rule of all, and that is this: open! So what if you haven’t learned any openers yet. So what if you’re probably making some mistakes with your body language. If you don’t open, you’re not in the game. Opening is a habit, so start developing it. You’ll have plenty of time to refine your technique later.
Make a promise to yourself to start opening, and stop giving yourself excuses not to. Make the decision to stop dreaming about talking to beautiful women and to start actually talking to them. If you can make that commitment, the rest is easy.